Thailand aftermath continued:

I don't really know where to start. I have had almost three weeks to reflect on our trip. I don't think that I can handle long term missions like that unless I am with people I really love greatly. I really liked all of the people on the trip, but I didn't chose them, and it is hard to be on a trip like that with twenty other people. I know that God selected all of the people for the trip, but God also knew that it was only going to be three weeks. I don't know if I am built for long term overseas missions. I would love to do it, but that might just be Christian culture talking. I have always struggled with what I call the “noble mission.” I feel like in Christian culture we have this idea that some missions are more “noble” than others even though this is not true at all. There is this assumption that someone who is in full time missions over seas is better than someone who is in full time missions in their retail store. I heard somewhere that the country that the most Christian missionaries are sent to is the U.S. This means the the rest of the world sees the great need that we have right in our own country. So why is it that we can't even see our own need? Why is it that all we hear about is the people who are leaving the U.S. to go on missions, when we should also be hearing about the people who are staying here on mission? I am not trying to challenge the validity people who feel called to go overseas. I guess that struggle I have is wanting the approval of others. I know that I should be able to mission where ever God calls me to be, but I am just so concerned with what other people think. I want people to be impressed with what my mission is. I know that as long as I am listening to God's call, then Jesus will be impressed with my mission, so I should be happy with that. That is the struggle with my future. So Thailand helped me realize that couldn't overseas missions full time, unless it is was with a wife or something. I guess I will not completely rule it out. God will let me know in due time.